[ He nods slightly and there was a bit of a long pause. Ho to even explain, where to even start. Should he even start? He takes a bit of a shaky breath, it's slow, it's quiet, but he begins. ]

It was...during one of my first missions, after all the training sessions...

My owner...He said an order. To kill someone that was right in front of us. But, I made an excuse. I don't remember what it was but I opened my mouth and said something he wasn't happy with. He grabbed me by the hair. [ He moved his hand to his head as if to grab some himself. ] And he said something, about trying to teach me my place. He took his cigarette and started to...

[ The hand that had gone to his head went to a mildly outstretched arm and started tapping the underside of his arm, near the joint. ]

When he finished...He slapped me and told me to continue. He gave me my knife and told me to continue...or else he would do worse.

[ The memory was coming back more and he frowned, his voice taking on a strange detached tone ]

So I did. I killed them because I was scared and in pain. I did it because he told me to...

[ He shakes his head, he doesn't want to get much deeper in that memory. ]