homralings | Open RP Post

Hm?

[He turns to look at him, tilting his head and waiting for him to continue speaking.]

Would... [ He mumbled a bit after, some English thrown in there for good measure before he went silent a bit, tugging at his hair. After a couple of minutes he opened his mouth again.]

Would you want to...hear about it? The memory...

[Oh. He looks down and smiles kind of sadly.]

If you don't mind telling me it.

[Better out than bottled in, right?]

[ He nods slightly and there was a bit of a long pause. Ho to even explain, where to even start. Should he even start? He takes a bit of a shaky breath, it's slow, it's quiet, but he begins. ]

It was...during one of my first missions, after all the training sessions...

My owner...He said an order. To kill someone that was right in front of us. But, I made an excuse. I don't remember what it was but I opened my mouth and said something he wasn't happy with. He grabbed me by the hair. [ He moved his hand to his head as if to grab some himself. ] And he said something, about trying to teach me my place. He took his cigarette and started to...

[ The hand that had gone to his head went to a mildly outstretched arm and started tapping the underside of his arm, near the joint. ]

When he finished...He slapped me and told me to continue. He gave me my knife and told me to continue...or else he would do worse.

[ The memory was coming back more and he frowned, his voice taking on a strange detached tone ]

So I did. I killed them because I was scared and in pain. I did it because he told me to...

[ He shakes his head, he doesn't want to get much deeper in that memory. ]

[Well that wasn't exactly what he was expecting, but...]

You weren't thinking "kill" though, just like you weren't with me. You were thinking "I want to live", right?

It doesn't change the fact that you did it, but...it wasn't your choice, your idea.

[There's probably a law category somewhere for people manipulated into doing terrible things.

The difference between "I want to kill them" and "I want to survive".]

[ He looked at Totsuka, eyes wide. He never...ever thought of it that way. He was told that his thoughts were supposed to be his Owner's. If his Owner wanted him to kill, then he wanted to kill. Anything he wanted him to do, Eric was suppose to want to do it. He always thought those were his thoughts, and anything else meant he wasn't a good dog.

He just wanted to live... ]

Yeah...I just...wish I never did any of it...

That's because Eric is a good kid.

[If this was anyone else he was talking to, he'd reach out and put a hand on their head, but that feels like a Terrible idea when Eric is having flashback nightmares. But he smiles at him.]

We can't change the past, but we can do other things to make life better for others instead of worse.

[ He jumps a bit at the compliment and tries to hide his head into his knees, hood and hair. ]

I...that's...n-not really...

[ He would never considered that he was a good kid. He had been a good dog but a bad person. He just wanted to live, not caring how he could stay alive for another week. ]

Do you think...that it's possible? That...the good can take over the bad? Things can get better?

[Eric really is a good kid...]

I think it's possible. I have King and Kusanagi-san and Homra now, after all!

[Okay that's not exactly what Eric was asking, since Tatara hasn't exactly killed anyone (directly), but...It is better than being alone and unsure of how he was going to eat.

But he knows he's an odd case. He didn't consider it bad before, just...inconvenient. His father wasn't a good father, but he wasn't a terrible friend.]

King's power lets you stand on your own. What you do now is up to you, but you can always ask for help if you want it.

[ He still can't take that stop it D<

He turns to peek over at Totsuka. He heard a bit of what Totsuka had gone through, so he has had a happy future since then. ]

That's true...

[ King's power lets you stand on your own...huh? He felt like he's never stood for anything. ]

Feels like all I do is ask for help and be a burden to you all...

[Well, lets you stand on your own instead of depending on someone else to be safe. Food and shelter, not exactly unless you're at the bar.]

Everyone helps because they care. That's just the kind of people that we are.

[It's not being a burden if no one minds. It's not like they haven't done similar things for basically everyone else in the clan...]

[ Still to be able do the things he does in Homra was nothing but a far off dream before he had gotten here. It still feels like it's nothing more then a dream. ]

It still, seems weird. Everyone helping without asking for a price of some kind...

[ He fidgets a bit in silence, tilting his head in thought. ]

But...it makes me happy a little...maybe.

[Tatara smiles at Eric softly.]

You being happy is more than enough. That's all most of us want, you know.

[There's nothing he can say about them being weird. They really are. That doesn't mean they aren't good for each other and others.]

[ He turns to look at Totsuka, eyes wide ]

Really? That's it?

[Poor child...Tatara nods.]

It's easier to give a smile than be happy, so yes. Most of us are more than happy to help you if it makes you happy. You've got a lot of time that we need to make up for.

[ Make up...time huh? Make up time from being in Hikawa...by being in Homra.

Has it been working? Though he hasn't been in Homra for long, especially not as long as he had been in Hikawa, he felt it was working, at least, a little. He's gained weight, good weight, sleeping almost normally and regularly, enjoying life, not wishing that he was far away. Was he happy? He's...not sure. He wasn't sad, or afraid (Unless nightmares) as much as he used to be. Or rather, he wasn't just a void, a mask that was kept on so much it must have been who he really was. Why he killed, why he lived. It wasn't much living however, it was more like existing.

But here, in Homra, he was living. Maybe, whatever living felt like he hoped it was this.

He gives Totsuka a shy, shaky, smile, fast before he hides himself again in his knees and hood and hair. ]

Th-thanks...

[Make it so he has more memories of being valued than he does of being abused and neglected.

...Eric really is a good kid. Tatara smiles and looks back at the others in the bar.]

Thanks for letting us. [Help him live instead of survive, get him out, join HOMRA, get the poison out by talking, be a support, whatever Eric wants to think was left out of the sentence.]

[ He'll get there, slowly but surely, those memories will be overwhelmingly more. It will take awhile ~~especially since he will lose a few people again~~ and the bad memories won't go away completely, but he will get there.

Eric blinked, noticing his vision going blurry so he rubbed them a bit. huh they were wet.

He nods in response. He nods as he's trying to wipe away the water forming in his eyes cause damn it they shouldn't be doing that! ]

[It's less about "replacing" and more about quantity and quality. If there are more really good memories, that should help him against his memories of his time in Hikawa. ~~Sorry...~~

There's nothing he can really say right now, so he just stays next to Eric while the boy cries. At least it's (probably?) good tears?

After a moment, he starts humming the song again. If it isn't good tears, at least this would probably help a little.]

[ They are good tears, because he feels the care and the love, and he's not used to it but it's all for him the same.

The humming helps him calm down long enough for the tears to stop. He sniffs, hiding his face a bit. No matter how many times he gets emotional like this it was so embarrassing, it made him feel weak. ]

s...sorry...

It's not something you need to apologize for.

[No one should ever need to apologize for showing emotions that aren't actively harming other people--like say, King destroying a building because he's mad. That would warrant an apology, if no one was attacking him at the time.

Wonderful priorities here.]

[ Crying was still new. Showing anything was still kind of new, and he was glad he was able to do all of it. Even if it felt so weird for him. Things would get better. ]

Thanks, for everything...

[ He sniffs a bit again, his eyes dry now. ]

I...uhm...excited to make up for all that time. Even if, it keeps coming back.

[Crying in front of people always feels new, no matter how recently he's done it, unless it was just a matter of a few minutes. He's not surprised that it feels odder for Eric.

He tilts his head back to look at the ceiling, though he soon closes his eyes.]

You know, back when I met King and then he became the Red King, that's what I told Kusanagi-san and King too. Without Kusanagi-san, and King's teacher, I wouldn't have gotten a high school education.

[That's the part he meant, not the second half.]

Being excited about it means that you've already got some better memories to balance out those old ones. [He turns back to Eric with a small smile.] And we'll be here for you if and when a memory comes back.

Open RP Post

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late tag is late and ??? (why are they all so pretty)

Never late /o/

\o\ this thread goes from like boomeranging to like /months later

Yepyep that's okay though, as long as we like it and reply it can be forever :3

yep yep /stares at how most of our threads get to over 100 comments eventually

What are short threads in K?

Not for us

Nope never :3

we like threading too much for that

Yepyep all of the threads all of the fluff and angst

yes c:

We're horrible people XD

....yeah c:

It's okay K is worse XD

c:

:3

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/pops in for a reply totally not months later

Not as many as this one--