homralings | Open RP Post

Mmm...s-sorry...

[ Unfortunately for you Totsuka, Eric will be silent, not really trusting himself to being able to speak well or at all. He was mostly focusing on being able to breathe and to not shut his eyes if he saw a place that wasn't the bar. If the other noticed his mouth, Eric was quietly mouthing some words that looked like 'this is safe' over and over again ]

Nothing to apologize about.

['This is safe', huh? After a while, Tatara'll start humming a familiar song under his breath.

Nothing says safety like warm days in the bar with everyone there relaxing and the sound of a guitar and a voice singing, right? Right.]

[ Eric cursed himself in his head. Of course it was something to apologize for. He was suppose to be over everything, he did not want to have anymore of these nightmares or memories, damnit! He was suppose to better now...wasn't he?

...Ah!

The humming jolted him out of those thoughts. He glanced over at Totsuka a bit surprised. That song...

Eric slowly closed his eyes, letting himself hear the song better. Soon, he began to relax ever so slightly, no longer mouthing his chant. He began to even hum along just a bit, not every note but a few here and there, quietly. He wanted to hear Totsuka sing it.

Near the end, he opened his eyes. Though he was still holding his knees, still curled up in ball, he wasn't as tense, wasn't as rigid. He still had some fear and anxiouness, but most of it had melted away with the song. ]

[Maybe he should mention how he felt upon realizing that he could actually eat everyday after essentially moving in with Izumo and Mikoto except still sleeping in his own apartment at some point. It's been years, but he still gets struck by how they never actually go hungry.

Out of anyone, he might understand that skittishness around food the best. Blaming himself for everything was never something he did though, so he won't be much help on that front.

He smiles at Eric when he finishes the song.]

Feeling a bit better?

[ He could, it might help. He figures everyone here has had a more or less normal life.

He glanced over at Totsuka and gave a small nod. ]

...yeah...

[ He relaxes a bit more, a bit red in the face from freaking out again. But the memory had been too strong for him. ]

th-thanks...

Edited 2015-04-12 03:21 (UTC)

[Not sure what kinda normal Eric's thinking of apart from "wasn't forced into a gang". That's probably one of the only limitations Homra would mostly fit into.

Tatara shakes his head slightly, smiling.]

No problem.

[He won't bring it up right now though, not directly.]

Memories are strong things, so rather than trying to forget that something happened, it's easier to 'bury' it under all the good things that have happened, right?

[He's looking at everyone else, keeping Eric just inside his peripheral vision.]

If that's the case, we just need to give you a lot more good memories so that maybe you'll think of them first instead of all the bad.

[Not that simple but!!!]

[ No, no, that's pretty much it. They know more about more things so he figures they have led more normal lives.

Listening to Totsuka he sort of choked out a small 'heh' covering his mouth with his hand. There was a small smile playing about. ]

I don't think, it's that easy. But, it's helping, at least, right now.

[ He goes a bit quiet, putting down his hand and looking to the floor. ]

These ones...I would like to forget.

[That's not really saying much. Even with his abusive and neglectful upbringing, Saruhiko had a more "normal" life than Eric.

He hums a little.]

It's not, but it gives us something to do to help you when you don't want to talk about it.

[And a pause, scratching his face.]

Well, we've just gotta wait and see if you do forget. Getting amnesia wouldn't really help this out since it's possible you'd just remember again later.

So it'll take time. Since it'll take time, we might as well make that time as full of good memories for you as we can!

[He's not the best about this part. He always has just looked at the brightest part possible of the current situation. But good memories of precious people are very important, now that he's experienced them.]

[ That is true huh? They started off normal but when they joined Homra it turned into abnormal but even then they had more time living a 'normal' life then Eric had.

He tilts his head a little. ]

It's hard...to talk about them...

[ He nods his head. To forget just to remember them again would be even worse. ]

Yeah...

[More or less (less, mostly less) normal, yeah. Still more normal than Eric.

He extends a hand in Eric's direction, not trying to put it on his head or anything.]

We'll wait as long as we have to. We're here to try and help you recover, and to be a new place for you to belong because you want to, rather than have to.

[Speaking of good memories though...]

Do you want to do anything? Since you're awake now.

[ Eric watches the hand, just wondering where it was going The memory has faded so he was no longer afraid, but still...instincts. ]

...Okay.

[ He still needed to hear that every once in awhile, especially during a hard time like this. He felt like he did belong here, though. The most he's ever been.

Before opening his mouth, a small growl made it's way through the silence. He sheepishly tried to hide his stomach, but still looked up to Totsuka. ]

Uhm...maybe something...to eat.

[It's just kinda there. But hearing that Eric's hungry, he makes a thumbs up and laughs a little.]

Hungry for anything in particular? I'll cook!

[Kusanagi-san lets him cook! Isn't it great? Instead of mountain herbs and vegetables he gets to use the bar's stock of stuff that he's not quite sure the name of still.

Cooking is a hobby that isn't allowed to die. If it did, Homra would have way less food to eat whenever Izumo's busy.]

[ He looks away, a little shy. ]

Anything is fine...

[ Right now he didn't feel like choosing anything in particular. Nor did he feel like getting up to the counter bar unless Totsuka asked. He was still weird about the whole memory and he just wanted some quiet. ]

[A small laugh.]

Alright then. I'll bring it back here when I'm done, okay?

[Hmmm...what to cook.... Wanders into the kitchen. Soup? Something with rice? What is stocked in the bar that Izumo wouldn't miss too much if he used? Hm....

Ten or so minutes later, he returns with a plate of omurice. It's easy to cook and they have a lot of the ingredients, okay.]

Here you go!

Okay...

[ Eric sits and waits, relaxing a bit but also thinking. About what Totsuka said as well as about the memory that had decided to plague him this time. Talking about things helps get rid of them...huh?

Eric blinks as he sees a plate of omurice set in front of him. ]

Ah. Th-thanks...

[ As he got his spoon to dig in he paused, tilting his head ]

My mom...used to make this, when I came home from school upset... [ He frowned, only really remembering the hand and the dish. ] Or...maybe my dad...

No problem.

[Tatara decided there's no point in asking which parent if Eric's not sure. It'd only maybe distress Eric even more. But if he remembers eating it after coming home from school upset, that sounds like a comfort food.]

So you like it?

[ He mumbled an 'itadakimasu' and took a couple of bites, trying to not think about the past. He was here now and the food was good. Nod, nod. ]

Really good.

I'm glad.

[Casually sits next to him and watches everyone else so he isn't just standing there watching Eric eat??? I had no idea what to put in this bracket okay.]

[ He munches for a bit, enjoying the food before slowing down a bit. Finally three quarters of the way through he puts the spoon done, debating something. Before he really finds the answer he decides to just go for it. ]

...Totsuka-san?

Hm?

[He turns to look at him, tilting his head and waiting for him to continue speaking.]

Would... [ He mumbled a bit after, some English thrown in there for good measure before he went silent a bit, tugging at his hair. After a couple of minutes he opened his mouth again.]

Would you want to...hear about it? The memory...

[Oh. He looks down and smiles kind of sadly.]

If you don't mind telling me it.

[Better out than bottled in, right?]

[ He nods slightly and there was a bit of a long pause. Ho to even explain, where to even start. Should he even start? He takes a bit of a shaky breath, it's slow, it's quiet, but he begins. ]

It was...during one of my first missions, after all the training sessions...

My owner...He said an order. To kill someone that was right in front of us. But, I made an excuse. I don't remember what it was but I opened my mouth and said something he wasn't happy with. He grabbed me by the hair. [ He moved his hand to his head as if to grab some himself. ] And he said something, about trying to teach me my place. He took his cigarette and started to...

[ The hand that had gone to his head went to a mildly outstretched arm and started tapping the underside of his arm, near the joint. ]

When he finished...He slapped me and told me to continue. He gave me my knife and told me to continue...or else he would do worse.

[ The memory was coming back more and he frowned, his voice taking on a strange detached tone ]

So I did. I killed them because I was scared and in pain. I did it because he told me to...

[ He shakes his head, he doesn't want to get much deeper in that memory. ]

[Well that wasn't exactly what he was expecting, but...]

You weren't thinking "kill" though, just like you weren't with me. You were thinking "I want to live", right?

It doesn't change the fact that you did it, but...it wasn't your choice, your idea.

[There's probably a law category somewhere for people manipulated into doing terrible things.

The difference between "I want to kill them" and "I want to survive".]

[ He looked at Totsuka, eyes wide. He never...ever thought of it that way. He was told that his thoughts were supposed to be his Owner's. If his Owner wanted him to kill, then he wanted to kill. Anything he wanted him to do, Eric was suppose to want to do it. He always thought those were his thoughts, and anything else meant he wasn't a good dog.

He just wanted to live... ]

Yeah...I just...wish I never did any of it...

/nuzzles

I have no idea what could continue from those three orz

S'okay

/casually tags back a month later

/casually tags back and don't worry about it

so what if I wanna do a thread with Shouhei :|a

I would say awesome and I'm always ready owo

\o\ birthday thread start in here? I can do that after this one--

Sounds great /o/

sounds weird but \o\

Still sounds good don't worry

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late tag is late and ??? (why are they all so pretty)

Never late /o/