My heart is a ghost town

[toremainbehind]

[The bar's been closed on a day it shouldn't be closed, but it couldn't be helped.

Izumo has chosen to take the day off, shooing everyone out of the bar, except for Mikoto and Anna since they live there. Right now, he didn't want to be near HOMRA, being reminded only of memories of Totsuka. Little tokens from Totsuka's hobbies all over the bar, placed neatly in places that can be seen but not in the way, rarely touched now.

Much like the films Totsuka had recorded during his time alive.

It's how he eventually finds himself in his apartment, perched on his couch with a shot glass of Vodka in hand and one of Totsuka's films playing. He's not quite paying attention to it, focused on the sounds rather than the images playing. Every time he hears Totsuka's voice on film, he takes a shot, his throat burning from the alcohol but it was a burn he welcomes all the same.]

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[toremainbehind]

[If it had been anyone else, Izumo wouldn't be breaking down at all.

This is unfair — the Slate had given them everything, but it's taking it away, too.

Izumo briefly wonders if it would be better if Mikoto hadn't been King, but the thought is soon gone.

His tears continue to come out silently, not a sound escaping from Izumo as he listens to Totsuka hum.]

[preciousmemories]

[That's almost worse--he's the only one who could cause it, but he's also the only one allowed to witness it.

It'd given them (the other two, really) the power to stand on their own and it gave him a place to belong.

King would be special even if he hadn't been made a King, but they helped too many to regret it.

Eventually, Tatara shifts from humming to actually singing the words softly. He may not have a guitar, but it's the same song without that.]

[toremainbehind]

[Its the only fair thing Totsuka can do for him.

It found him a home.

Helping people, forming a family — it brought them all together.

Eventually, the cries die down, and he keeps listening.]

[preciousmemories]

[A home and a family in this kingdom they made together. Mikoto may not be a good king, but he really was the best one for them.

And soon enough, the song is over. Tatara reaches up and gently shifts some of Izumo's hair.

He pauses, and then says the last two lines again.]

Don't give up, you will get there, and one day we'll meet again.

[toremainbehind]

[They were a perfect family in their own way.

Izumo keeps his head low, feeling Totsuka shift his hair, and he bites the inside of his cheek.

What did he ever do to deserve this?]

Totsuka...thank you.

[preciousmemories]

Thank you, Kusanagi-san.

[He said all the reasons earlier, but repeating it back is...important.

Perfect for each other as a family, even if others didn't understand or see it.

Does anyone really deserve the things that happen to them? Both the good and the bad.]

[toremainbehind]

[This—This is the closure he needed.

He doesn't want to lift up his head, doesn't want to know if Totsuka would be fading away before his eyes.

He wants to cling onto this a little longer, dream a bit more, before he has to go and face reality once more.

No one ever really deserves anything, but it's just how life is—sometimes it can be good and sometimes it can be completely awful.]

[preciousmemories]

[Tatara only shifts both of them until he can lean gently against Izumo's shoulder.

It won't be long, most likely, until Izumo can't see or feel him anymore. But, that is...kind of a good thing, since he has to go to the rest of the clan.

Doesn't make it any less lonely.]

[toremainbehind]

[He appreciates it—the contact, he means.

He knows he'll have to leave soon, and not tell anyone about this. It might get their hopes up, and he'd probably get hit by Mikoto for even bringing it up.

For now, this'll have to do.]

about done, you think?

[preciousmemories]

[Please don't mention him to anyone...especially after he's no longer visible to Izumo. Maybe someday it will be okay, but...that day doesn't feel like it will be any time soon.

This will have to be enough while it lasts.]

yup. Can end here

[toremainbehind]

[He won't. He can't do that to them when he believes this is hard enough for him to deal with already.

For now, this'll have to do.

Until he gets the chance to see Totsuka again.]