My heart is a ghost town

[toremainbehind]

[The bar's been closed on a day it shouldn't be closed, but it couldn't be helped.

Izumo has chosen to take the day off, shooing everyone out of the bar, except for Mikoto and Anna since they live there. Right now, he didn't want to be near HOMRA, being reminded only of memories of Totsuka. Little tokens from Totsuka's hobbies all over the bar, placed neatly in places that can be seen but not in the way, rarely touched now.

Much like the films Totsuka had recorded during his time alive.

It's how he eventually finds himself in his apartment, perched on his couch with a shot glass of Vodka in hand and one of Totsuka's films playing. He's not quite paying attention to it, focused on the sounds rather than the images playing. Every time he hears Totsuka's voice on film, he takes a shot, his throat burning from the alcohol but it was a burn he welcomes all the same.]

Comments

[preciousmemories]

It worked out though, didn't it? We had a lot of fun together. [Even if they exasperated Izumo on multiple occasions by not quite thinking things through. (Get told not to destroy the building, tells Mikoto it's okay to destroy part of the building...)]

[toremainbehind]

Mm, even if the two o' ya gave me headaches on a daily basis.

[It's been like that long before they've established everything, though, before they became King and Clansmen. Izumo's always been the one to handle everything, Totsuka handled Mikoto, and Mikoto did his best not to burn down anything (even if he usually did).

Memories of them together that has Izumo aching, but not once will he ever let himself break down again because of it.]

[preciousmemories]

At least we didn't repeat the "kick the can" incident!

[Getting his head smashed into the ground by Mikoto was only one of the headache incidents rather than multiple. That has to count for something, right?

They were so young back then, and he's not sure if the King of back then who didn't have anything hanging over his head was more or less alive than the King who was the Red King and slept constantly.]

And you know he didn't mean to give you headaches. [He's...not sure about what he's done to give Izumo headaches, apart from being careless.]

[toremainbehind]

That's a painful memory.

[To Izumo, it was all the same to him.

Mikoto is Mikoto — King or not.]

He doesn't mean to do a lot of things, [Like leaving them all behind.]

[preciousmemories]

It definitely looked painful at the time.

[Well, he does and doesn't; he means to get revenge and that means the others will get left behind.]

And the things he does mean to do aren't always that good of an idea.

[toremainbehind]

Be glad that hasn't happened to you.

He's just full of bad ideas.

[preciousmemories]

I think being grabbed by the head hurts enough. [He is Very Glad.]

Some of them are...better than others. [Yeah, no he agrees. King is a king of bad ideas.]

[toremainbehind]

It's not nearly bad enough.

...[A look.] really?

[preciousmemories]

I never said any of them were good...

[He's really glad they're still able to talk about nothing (how dumb Mikoto can be, really) even though he's dead now. It'd be just like before, if the thought wasn't in the back of both of their heads constantly.]

[toremainbehind]

Makes me wanna punch him.

[preciousmemories]

He'd probably let you, depending on why.

[Not that Izumo couldn't hit Mikoto if he didn't let him, but...Mikoto has always felt somewhat guilty over making them his clansmen. Never mind that it was their choice.]

[toremainbehind]

He's got a guilty streak if he lets me hit him.

[Because it's always been a concern Mikoto has. Izumo's done the best he can to lessen that guilt over time.]

[preciousmemories]

I don't think there was enough time in the world to actually convince him that he doesn't need to feel guilty about something.

[Especially not now that Tatara's died because he was around him. But then, Mikoto hasn't got a lot of time left anyway.]

[toremainbehind]

It's like a domino effect. Once one starts crashing down, the rest follows.

[preciousmemories]

Yeah...

[King better be the only one to follow. It'd be best if not even he did but...that's not going to happen.]

[toremainbehind]

[He lets out a sigh, fingers twitching.

Could he touch Totsuka again?

Time to find out. He places his hand on top of totsuka's head; he could feel something, but it wasn't as solid as it was last night. And it scares him.]

[preciousmemories]

[At the hand on his head, he blinks, but then he just shifts and almost leans into the hand, smiling sadly.

He's here. But if this is any indication, Izumo won't be able to see him for much longer.

What else is there to say? They'd stopped talking really about this earlier to talk about...Mikoto instead. What else is there to say though? They already know he's dead, and that this might be the last time Izumo'll be able to see him in a long long time, if he isn't looking at remnants of their time together in the videos and images.]

[toremainbehind]

[It's sad, but he's come to terms with it.

If this is his last time seeing Totsuka, then at least it left a good memory.

There's an urge to cry, one that almost shakes him, but he just ruffles totsuka's hair.]

It's good to see you for a final time.

[preciousmemories]

It's good to be seen.

[What else could he really say to that? He's not going to say for the last time, not like Izumo already has. Who knows, maybe it won't be the last time.

But, for now it has to be enough, that they're talking right now, that Izumo is able to ruffle his hair. If this is the last time, at least Izumo got some closure out of this.]

[toremainbehind]

[He grows quiet, the hand remaining on totsuka's head.

What is there to say?

There's not much else he could do, never been one to show much affection aside from a hand on the head and an affectionate punch to the head.

He's only lost his uncle before, and that loss was something he could never handle well, but Totsuka—he's different. And perhaps, it's sinking in and he finally starts to break down.]

[preciousmemories]

[Oh...Tatara smiles sadly, resting a hand on Izumo's arm. He's unfair. He knows it.

But, he's glad that he's the one here, even though he's the reason Izumo's breaking down like this. He's glad that he was able to be seen here.

He wishes he could do more to help his friend, but...Neither of them had ever been ones for hugs, and he doesn't really want to dislodge his friend's hand, not when he's like this.

Humming that song would probably just make Izumo worse, and he doesn't want to cause more (hopefully temporary) pain if he might not be visible at the end of it.]

[toremainbehind]

[If it had been anyone else, Izumo wouldn't be breaking down at all.

This is unfair — the Slate had given them everything, but it's taking it away, too.

Izumo briefly wonders if it would be better if Mikoto hadn't been King, but the thought is soon gone.

His tears continue to come out silently, not a sound escaping from Izumo as he listens to Totsuka hum.]

[preciousmemories]

[That's almost worse--he's the only one who could cause it, but he's also the only one allowed to witness it.

It'd given them (the other two, really) the power to stand on their own and it gave him a place to belong.

King would be special even if he hadn't been made a King, but they helped too many to regret it.

Eventually, Tatara shifts from humming to actually singing the words softly. He may not have a guitar, but it's the same song without that.]

[toremainbehind]

[Its the only fair thing Totsuka can do for him.

It found him a home.

Helping people, forming a family — it brought them all together.

Eventually, the cries die down, and he keeps listening.]

[preciousmemories]

[A home and a family in this kingdom they made together. Mikoto may not be a good king, but he really was the best one for them.

And soon enough, the song is over. Tatara reaches up and gently shifts some of Izumo's hair.

He pauses, and then says the last two lines again.]

Don't give up, you will get there, and one day we'll meet again.