homralings | My heart is a ghost town

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My heart is a ghost town

[The bar's been closed on a day it shouldn't be closed, but it couldn't be helped.

Izumo has chosen to take the day off, shooing everyone out of the bar, except for Mikoto and Anna since they live there. Right now, he didn't want to be near HOMRA, being reminded only of memories of Totsuka. Little tokens from Totsuka's hobbies all over the bar, placed neatly in places that can be seen but not in the way, rarely touched now.

Much like the films Totsuka had recorded during his time alive.

It's how he eventually finds himself in his apartment, perched on his couch with a shot glass of Vodka in hand and one of Totsuka's films playing. He's not quite paying attention to it, focused on the sounds rather than the images playing. Every time he hears Totsuka's voice on film, he takes a shot, his throat burning from the alcohol but it was a burn he welcomes all the same.]

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[He wants them to remember that song and the words but this just...hurts more. They were all really happy at that time.

He hopes they'll be that happy again, that the hurt will recede and they'll move on without truly forgetting. It'll be hard, since these people hadn't wanted to let go of him (the feeling was mutual), but it's possible. Better than holding the hurt in and agonizing over it.

But for now, Izumo knows he's here. And he's asking for a favor. Tatara couldn't keep his biggest promise to be around. He'll try to keep this one.

He's smiling, not nearly as cheerfully as most of his smiles when he was living, but it is a smile.]

I'll definitely try. [Maybe it won't work. He'll test it out after Izumo goes to sleep. Best plan.]

Good t' know.

[He gives one smile, a gentle pat on Totsuka's head.

The exhaustion and the alcohol is finally getting to him now, making him sleepier and he's still struggling to fight against it.

He didn't want to sleep, but he knew he couldn't keep fighting it.]

[Kusanagi-saaaaaaan.....

Tatara smiles up at him.]

Go to sleep. I'll still be here in the morning. [Whether Izumo will still be able to see him is another matter.

He isn't sure that the obscene amounts of alcohol Izumo drank earlier isn't why he's visible but...he hasn't ever had trouble with the floor, just people. He should be able to write a note for Izumo even if he isn't visible in the morning. Izumo really should go sleep.]

Mm...[A sleepy mumble as his eyelids start to flutter shut.]

Miss ya. Don't go. [He mumbled something else but it becomes lost as he finally succumbs to the exhaustion clawing at him.]

I'm not going anywhere, Kusanagi-san.

[Never wanted to in the first place. It's why he died like he did--he could have left when Anna told him he wouldn't live long if he stayed, but...

He's never wanted to leave Mikoto and Izumo. And now Izumo's going to be the only one left out of the three of them and some part of him wants to say that it isn't fair, but what is? Anna was orphaned and then her aunt was made to forget her.

None of the others, apart from Kamamoto and maybe a few more, really had good lives before Homra either.

The Slate isn't fair, turning someone who was fine just watching into someone who couldn't afford to do anything but watch unless it was okay to destroy something.]

Your powers are to protect, huh...

[He stays by Izumo's side for a while longer before standing up and going into the small kitchen to write a note. Some kind of proof that he was here, even though he knows it will hurt in the morning.]

[He lets out another sound, a sleepy mumble.

When Totsuka leaves his side, Izumo shifts a bit at the loss, but otherwise doesn't wake up.

Whenever he does wake up and see that note, however, the tears he'd been holding back since the whole incident began will finally start to come out.]

[You're going to make him cry again, Izumo...

But true to his word, Tatara stays in the apartment until Izumo wakes, sitting on the couch rather than next to him.

He'd say good morning, but he really doesn't want to get his own hopes up. It was probably just a fluke thanks to too much alcohol, but that won't stop it from hurting.]

[Maybe it's good to cry.

Izumo blinks his eyes open blearily, trying hard to figure out if what had happened was a dream.

He remembers, but he doesn't want to look. If he does, he might not even be able to see Totsuka and he's not sure if he can handle that again. So, his eyes flutter shut.]

...Totsuka?

[Maybe, but it's usually an emotional release so the body is better. That doesn't seem to apply to Tatara anymore.

How's he supposed to prove it to you he's here if you don't have your eyes open? He's not about to just go up to you and see if he's somewhat tangible but trying to touch you...

He couldn't hear him earlier either, so Tatara raises a hand and hits the wall loud enough that Izumo can hear it.

I'm here, even if rhythmic knocking is hard to decipher. I'm here, Kusanagi-san. Good morning.

Maybe he could convince him to get a whiteboard or leave his phone somewhere so Tatara could type or write...easier than trying to have paper all the time.]

[At the knocking, Izumo finally pries his eyes open.

There's a brief hesitation as he stares at a wall opposite from where Totsuka is before he finally musters up the courage to look.

So, he takes a deep breath and finally looks over in totsuka's direction.

And he stares, seeing him, even though he's faint. He wonders if God or something is punishing him.]

Totsuka?

[He wasn't expecting that. Tatara smiles, weak though it is. Izumo's looking at him, and seeing him. Maybe for the last time, maybe not.

Is this better or worse than being invisible again when he woke up? Tatara isn't sure anymore.]

Morning, Kusanagi-san. [This time, maybe it'll be just like before. This time, maybe they'll talk just like they did in the mornings shortly after they rescued Anna. This time, this time, this time...maybe the last time, until sometime years down the road when Izumo is also dead.]

[Whatever it is, Izumo knows he needs a cigarette, even if it is early in the morning.

He manages a smile back.]

'm not sure if fate is kind ta me or just a cruel mistress.

Couldn't it be both? [Kind to let him be seen since he's there, cruel because they don't know how long it will last.

And it's not like Tatara has any complaint about Izumo smoking--he hadn't when he was alive, why would he now?]

Life isn't that kind ta me ta give me both.

[Where are his cigarettes?

He tilts his head as he regards Totsuka.] ...So last night wasn't a dream at all.

Ah, then you just answered it for yourself.

[...That's a good question. Where did he leave them?]

I told you it wasn't. Aren't you going to get up?

[Should've been on the coffee table, but then again, he was drunk and could've easily misplaced them.]

That depends on whether or not ya might end up disappearing if I do.

[Wow Izumo, it's not like the dead guy needs his heart anymore.

Get up and get your cigarettes for yourself, gosh!]

I think if something will make me disappear, it wouldn't be you getting up. [But, he's not sure why he's visible.]

[Don't rush him!

But at his words, he hums and finally decides to get up.]

Doesn't answer the question why you're visible.

You know as much as I do about that. I haven't felt any different this entire time, so I'm not sure why you started being able to see me last night.

[Yay, Izumo's actually moving! Tatara stops leaning against the wall, taking a few steps toward the path to the kitchen. If he's getting up, he's probably going to want to eat something sometime soon.]

'm pretty sure I haven't suffered a blow ta the head recently either or obtained some new powers.

Maybe it was the brain damage from drinking so much last night.

[No one's bitter here. Really.]

Being bitter doesn't suit you, Totsuka.

...yeah. But drinking that much doesn't suit you either.

I suppose ya got me there.

[Entering the kitchen, he fetches himself a bottle of water.]

What're ya gonna do, though? Ya can't keep staying here. Have ya tried ta....Make peace with the other guys yet?

I think I was going to head back to the bar when you did, whether or not you could still see me. Who knows, maybe someone else will be able to. If they can, then I'll talk to them. If they can't...well, no one seems to have internalized it quite like you did.

[And why, exactly, can't he stay here?]

It's fine, it'll work out somehow, Kusanagi-san.

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