homralings | My heart is a ghost town

Mean! [But he smiles. It's familiar, even though it always hurt at least a little.]

Oh, could you take Anna and the others to look around at my apartment too? They might want some things from there. Might make it hurt a little less. When you have time anyway.

[His father wasn't so bad, if you thought of him as a bad friend. It's not like Tatara's ever had a good father figure. Maybe he and the other two became good ones to Anna though.

He'd like to think that.]

Thanks for never throwing those out too! You always said you were going to.

Mm, I don't see why not. [But who knows when they'll have time with the Clan hunting down the Colorless King.

He shakes his head lightly.] They actually brighten up the bar a little. [Not really, but they were mementos, tokens of Totsuka's memories, so he couldn't afford to throw them out now.]

[Tatara grins at that, falling silent for a while and still swinging his legs.

It's a bit later when he asks:]

Do you think I did it? Kept everyone's memories alive?

[It's why he started recording in the first place: the warning he got from Anna and his desire to leave Homra with at least some proof of the good times they had together.]

[For a moment, Izumo says nothing as he stares at the film that's on the screen, the last scene showing Totsuka's face — the only time he was managed to be captured on film thanks to Anna.

Breathing out, he closes his eyes before opening them. His hand moves as if to pat Totsuka on the head, but he freezes, remembering it'll just phase through him.]

Yeah, ya did. 's what's keeping us going.

[How he wishes that Izumo didn't have to stop that movement, that Tatara would be able to feel it if it had continued. But wishes don't come true very often, and he's not sure he'd like being a corporeal ghost so maybe it's better that he can't be touched.]

I'm glad.

[About it working, not about it being all that's keeping Homra functioning. He hesitates for a moment.]

Is it okay if I stay here until you fall asleep? [And until he wakes up, but if Izumo can't see him, he doesn't want to give him that hope.]

[Izumo's eyes flicker toward him, unreadable before he looks away.]

'm not sure how much fun you'll have if ya stay here. [But his answer isn't a 'no' either.

He leans back against the couch, feeling his body demanding to rest, but Izumo didn't want to sleep. Not yet.]

I think it'll be fun!

[It's better than being invisible but there. Not like Izumo could really stop him, but still. It's a nicety he didn't want to abandon even though he's. dead.]

Besides, I haven't been in your apartment very much since we went clothes shopping for Anna that first time.

[It's a weird feeling, being almost scared of Izumo being unable to see him again when he wakes up. But waking up means falling asleep so...He'll treasure this time where he's visible.]

Your opinion o' 'fun' hasn't changed either. [He sounds kind of sleepy, but Izumo's determined not to sleep.

He got to see Totsuka again — granted, it's only temporary, but he'll take what he can get.

Lowering his arm, Izumo blinks over at Totsuka, a slight frown on his face.] 's not like my apartment's changed the last time ya were here.

Why would it? I'll have to get creative again, but that's not really a change.

[Mountain climbing probably wouldn't be fun anymore now that he doesn't have a body to strain. Hm... Well, maybe he won't be here long enough to need to find ways of enjoying himself apart from watching his family. It's not like he can ask people how long they stay here before they leave.

Tatara shrugs.]

But this might be the last time I'm in it.

's not. Y'should try ta haunt the other guys.

[Which...might be a bad idea, especially since Yata's afraid of ghosts. Though, Izumo is kind of curious to see how that would go.

It'd almost be like when Totsuka was alive again.

He shakes his head at the thought and sighs.] Well, 'm not gonna say 'no'. You're free ta do whatever ya like. [Okay, he's finally feeling dreamland trying to reach out to him, prompting him to get up on his feet, though he stumbles a bit as he tries to get his sense of balance back.]

[He looks down, scratching his cheek.]

But they aren't hiding how they feel, really. Your reaction was hurt enough, I don't want to hear Yata blaming himself out of some kind of idea that the two of you might've been able to save me if you'd arrived sooner.

[That's as close as he'll get to talking about that. If Izumo's going to sleep, he wants to get the most out of this extra time as he can. Even if that just means being weird and watching Izumo for a while since he can't...really do anything else.]

Thanks Kusanagi-san! I'll try not to talk while you're trying to sleep.

Yata's the one who's more determined ta find your killer than anyone else. [Because he was the one who was holding Totsuka in his arms when he died.

But Izumo doesn't stay on the topic for long, knowing it would still hurt too much.]

Ever tried ta see Mikoto yet?

[Eyebrows furrowing slightly, Izumo breathes out heavily.]

Just try not ta be too loud at all and don't mess anything up.

...I know. [Sure, talking about Mikoto is clearly a safer subject. Tatara rubs the back of his head.]

I think that earring flashes red when I try talking to him. I was at the bar for a while so...

[He realized after about a day that none of them could see him or hear him. Unless Anna is just doing a very good job of hiding it.]

I promise! [Maybe he'll be able to write things down...? It's worth a try, even if it'll make Izumo sad when he wakes up and finds it. At least it'd be some kind of proof that this wasn't just a grief dream?]

[At hearing that Totsuka was at the bar, Izumo's eyes flickered over to him briefly before he looks away.]

His way of remembering ya, even if he chose a rather...strange way o' doing so.

[He lets out a soft huff of laughter.

Izumo's tired, so tired; he wants to believe this is a dream, just so that it doesn't hurt as much when he wakes up.

But his fingers twitches and this time, he does reach out towards Totsuka, almost trying to see if he can touch him. He feels a flicker of warmth from where his fingertips would brush against the top of Totsuka's head, causing him to look over.]

It's still creepy... [Yes, Ghostsuka is pouting. He knows why; they already talked about it, but that doesn't make it any less of a weird "grave marker".

He knows that it'll hurt Izumo either way, but maybe, maybe, if Tatara can leave some kind of proof that he really was here...maybe then Izumo wouldn't drink himself silly again, using his videos as some kind of cruel drinking game. Of course it could do the opposite in some kind of terrible wish to see him again and this isn't a good idea and--

and now Izumo's reaching out to him and he can't make himself move away. He wants to know (he's pretty sure he already knows) so he just stands there, staring at Izumo. He can feel the warmth of Izumo's hand, but he doesn't move. He could grab it, see if he actually can touch Izumo but. That's too much hope for this dead man. He can touch things, sure. He doesn't want to pass right through Izumo.]

Try telling him that.

[Izumo grows quiet, though, a somewhat wistful expression masking his face.

Somehow, he wishes Totsuka moved so that this could be less painful for him, but nothing ever really goes his way.

If it did, then maybe none of this would have happened.

So, when he becomes more determined to touch Totsuka, he freezes when he actually managed to do so. It was faint, not quite there, but still solid enough for him to touch as he places his hand on top of Totsuka's head.]

Dunno if he'll hear-- [And he stops, blinking. That's...Izumo is actually...

Tatara brings his hands up to his own face slowly, as if moving quickly would disrupt whatever they managed to do that let him actually be physical for a moment and covers his eyes with one while hesitantly reaching to touch Izumo's arm with the other.]

I-- [He never did cry that much, but this is...this is enough. This might be the last time Izumo can see him while Izumo is alive and Izumo can touch him even though he's dead... The tears running down his face are only barely warmer than Izumo's hand.] ...I'm happy. [This is still sad, but it's a much better last memory than him dying on that rooftop, and his body getting burned.]

[He's quiet, enjoying this moment of being allowed to touch the younger man.

He feels Totsuka touch his arm, causing him to curl his fingers tightly on his other hand.

This is some sort of sick joke - he knew that. After this, after this moment, everything will end and perhaps he'd no longer be able to see Totsuka. After this, Totsuka's back to simply being dead to him, and no longer would Izumo be allowed to touch him or even talk to him again.

But even so, he smiles, lightly hitting Totsuka on the head.]

If you're happy, then don't cry. It'll just make this even more depressing, and I definitely don't wanna remember your tears.

Haha [He rubs at his eyes with that hand, still touching Izumo's arm with the other.] I'm not sure I can stop right now.

[Who knew that he'd be this happy that Izumo can hit him on the head right now? He laughs, not complaining about the hit like he usually would. It's not like it really hurt more than what he's feeling anyway.

He should've thought this through better--it's going to hurt more when Izumo can't see him, for both of them. But, if this would happen, he thinks he'd probably do this again, even knowing. It's better and worse, but at least he can say more than just who killed him this time.

And then, even with the tears still running down his face, he smiles as cheerfully as he did in life, dropping that hand so he can look at Izumo properly.]

At least this way you can remember a smile too.

[He shakes his head, slightly amused and exasperated at the same time.

But then he uncurls his hand in order to ruffle Totsuka's hair a little, smiling softly.

The laugh still sounds the same, a sound he keeps in his memory.

When Totsuka drops his hand, Izumo reluctantly pulls back as well.]

Better a smile than the last time I saw ya.

Exactly! [Would Izumo even feel right if he hadn't felt somewhat exasperated at Tatara during this whole mess? This is part of the Izumo he missed, the reason he'd followed his grieving friend. But, this is proof that it hasn't died completely, even if it is hurt over him dying.

He doesn't exactly like the lack of contact now, reaching out as hesitantly as before to try and hold onto part of Izumo's wrist. Sure, a hand on his head is hard to look at his friend with but. It's proof that this is real, even with him being dead.

He's really going to miss this, when Izumo can't see him. It's not like Tatara can watch his own films like Izumo can.]

[Exasperation is all Izumo can truly associate with Totsuka nowadays, especially since he's gone now.

But it's a fond sort of exasperation that the older man could never really give up.

Izumo's expression softens, though, when Totsuka holds onto his wrist. He could feel him, a gentle warmth that seemed odd given that Totsuka shouldn't have any sort of warmth at all. He commits it to memory, solidifying this memory into his mind so that he would never forget it.

He could tell Mikoto about it, but the redhead might deem him insane from their loss. The only other person could be Anna, but Izumo's not sure if it was a good idea to talk to her about this yet.]

'm gonna miss ya.

[a;fsdjf;j Tatara looks at the floor rather than at Izumo, barely tightening his grip around his wrist.]

Kusanagi-san is unfair. [He knows, of course. Izumo was already missing him, if that rude drinking game was any indication. It's worse hearing it, knowing that this happened. He had already missed being able to be heard by everyone and then...

This actually happened, and it will only get worse. He doesn't really want to call it loneliness since he's there with them and they just can't see or hear him but. Maybe Izumo was right. Maybe he is already lonely.]

I'll miss you too. [It's really not the same, watching rather than being a part of it. Maybe Izumo felt that way earlier when he was watching the videos. Until someone else can see him, that's what his daily "life" will be like. He'll really miss talking to him like this.]

[Izumo hums softly, a tuneless sound, but then it starts to resemble the last song Totsuka sang for them.

The one song Anna loves to hear from him the most.

After this, he probably won't see Totsuka anymore, won't hear him anymore. A part of him will believe it to be just a dream, waving it away as nothing more than a disillusion.

But right now, he can see him, feel him, and that's all that matters.

At his words, he gives a small smile.

It's sad and happy, and at the same time, exasperated and heartbroken.]

Do me a favor will ya? If you're ever around, just move something just so that I know you're there even if I won't be able ta see ya anymore.

[He wants them to remember that song and the words but this just...hurts more. They were all really happy at that time.

He hopes they'll be that happy again, that the hurt will recede and they'll move on without truly forgetting. It'll be hard, since these people hadn't wanted to let go of him (the feeling was mutual), but it's possible. Better than holding the hurt in and agonizing over it.

But for now, Izumo knows he's here. And he's asking for a favor. Tatara couldn't keep his biggest promise to be around. He'll try to keep this one.

He's smiling, not nearly as cheerfully as most of his smiles when he was living, but it is a smile.]

I'll definitely try. [Maybe it won't work. He'll test it out after Izumo goes to sleep. Best plan.]

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i was listening to a song and "just stay alive, that would be enough"

that fits this so much right now

cries. clearly we need to do an actually living tatara thread with them later

Clearly. Depends on the situation they're in, though...ha...

yes......well, multiple alive threads then. both terrible and happy ones

all and any alive threads~

yesss c: /keening noises

\o/

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