homralings | My heart is a ghost town

[That. That hurt. Stung so much it brought Izumo into silence.

It has him sobering up a little, though, his shoulders slumping a little in defeat.] Got no right... ["To say that" but it remains unsaid because Izumo knows he's being stupid, even in a drunken state.

But that second part has him frowning deeply.] Ya were the only one who could only hold us together. Shoulda been me, not you.

[Maybe he does have no right to say that, but Izumo certainly doesn't have a right to act like this.] Stop that. [Don't say that, please. Dying himself was bad enough. He doesn't want to imagine a world where Izumo had died instead. If this is what greets him for watching over his family...He winces and frowns in return.]

Do you really think King and I would've handled it any better than you and King are now if you were gone? We'd be in trouble no matter which of us died. It was always the three of us, since the start of all of this.

[It should have remained the three of them always, but even if he hadn't died when he did, they both know Mikoto hadn't had long left anyway. It was just worse now.]

[Izumo says nothing for a moment, longing for a cigarette, but he doesn't want to move.

If he moves, then maybe this illusion of Totsuka will disappear, and he can't - he doesn't want that to happen.

Not yet.

He rubs his face, suddenly looking tired, exhausted by allowing his emotions to actually let go like that.] Doesn't matter. I'd be the last one left now.

[And that's what really bugs him. The three of them started this together. It should've just been the three of them staying together. Totsuka died and who knows how much longer Mikoto has left.]

[He wants to say it but remembers his last words and stops himself. Besides, Izumo and the others won't be fine for a while, what with him dying and King getting ready to follow. What else can he do besides apologize though?]

I'm sorry. You know we never intended for this to happen.

[But he doesn't think he'd change anything if he could. If Mikoto hadn't become the Red King, they wouldn't have been able to rescue Anna. They've helped people because of this mess. He doesn't want to think about what would've happened to all their clansmen if they hadn't joined Homra.]

You can't leave Anna all alone again, you know that, right?

[He's sorry, but you've got to stay behind for all the people they've picked up, Izumo.]

I know that. [He does.

It's why he hasn't said anything after all of this time, why he hasn't allowed himself to have such depressing thoughts while around the others.]

'm not gonna leave her. [Or the others.]

Good. [Tatara's shoulders sag at the release of the tension from being uncertain. Izumo's always been the realistic one of the three of them, but it never hurts to make sure.

He pauses for a moment, watching Izumo's face.]

Promise not to drink too much? I'm no longer here to help out around the bar when you're sick or busy.

'm not gonna keep any promises. [Don't make him promise that, Totsuka. Just. Don't.

But now he's just kind of staring at Totsuka, looking a little sad but skeptical.]

...'s it really ya? [Or is it just his imagination? Either way, any answer will still hurt.]

[He really didn't expect anything else, but it didn't hurt to ask. Maybe he'd be able to be seen by Izumo again sometime.

After a moment, Tatara nods.]

It's me. I don't know why you can see me now when you couldn't earlier, but...I'm here.

[And then he makes a face, pressing one of his hands next to one of Izumo's legs.]

Why did King think it was a good idea to wear my earring with my blood in it? It's kind of creepy.

[Either he must be really drunk, unconscious, or hit his head really hard.

It doesn't matter - Totsuka's here. For now, that's all that matters.

He chuckles a bit at the question, though.]

He wanted ta keep a memory o'ya alive somehow. Figured that'd be the best way ta do it. Makes him feel like you're there with him.

[Oh. He missed that part.]

It's still creepy. [!!! He got Izumo to laugh!

There's a tiny smile on his face, even as he groans.]

That's what the videos are for! Not for playing a drinking game every time I speak-- that was mean, Kusanagi-san! That feels like you're trying to forget.

[He's not sure Mikoto would be okay with Tatara haunting him instead of Izumo or the bar honestly. Would the earring react? Maybe he'll test that next time Izumo's at the bar.]

You're talking 'bout Mikoto here. [The guy has the tendency to be creepy when he wants to be.

A quirk of his lips, almost a phantom of a smile.]

Ya make a good drinkin' game. Ya speak too much. [Brief pause.] Never gonna forget ya, though.

[Izumo's tempted to tell Mikoto about this, though he figures Mikoto won't believe him or think he's gone crazy. Anna would believe him, but that warrants another question.] Have ya gone t'see the others?

That's true, King can be.... [Tatara shakes his head slightly, sighing. This is why they didn't let King make Anna's breakfast those first months.]

That makes it a bad game! The point isn't to get alcohol poisoning!

[He'll just. not comment on being unforgettable right now. He's dead--he shouldn't get embarrassed by things like that.

Tatara taps his chin.]

Well, I followed you from the bar. No one else seems to see or hear me though, like you couldn't.

[Light huff that sounds like laughter.]

Just be glad I haven't introduced it ta the other guys. [Because if he did, it'd go downhill from there, and all but Anna might get alcohol poisoning. Yata, especially, would be the worst.

He raises an eyebrow.]

Not even Anna?

I'd like you to keep it that way too.

[That would be the worst situation--they're all drunk and then they all die way too early because Anna's the only one to take care of them.

He shakes his head to the question.]

If she can see me, she doesn't show it. Maybe she's just too focused on using her power to find the Colorless King, like the rest of you are.

[Or maybe the trauma has closed her off a little bit this time, instead of opening her mind up even more.]

'm not gonna give 'em alcohol poisoning.

[Can't let Anna have that kind of burden on her shoulders.

Though he blinks once.]

Mm, maybe. Ya wouldn't have any idea where he is, d'ya? [Anna's lost too many people in her life. Totsuka was someone she held dear, and now even Mikoto's running out of time.

Izumo needs to talk to her again soon.]

[He slumps, his torso on the couch facing Izumo.] I came back around the time you guys were getting ready to burn my body, so no. Sorry.

[Talk to her. He's the third parental figure to die and the fourth to leave, she needs some support from the one that'll last the longest.

Actually...] I could try looking? I'm not sure you'll be able to see me tomorrow though....Hm. [That requires some thought.]

's fine. Figured I'd ask 's all. [Though, what a horrible time to come back. Couldn't have been easy for Totsuka to see his body burn.

And he will. Izumo won't let anything happen to her - not when the clock is still ticking.]

Somehow, 'm getting the feeling this may be one o' the few times I'd actually get t'see ya. [It's a miracle in itself Izumo could see Totsuka now.]

[It was sad, watching them all cry. It hurt less than the bullet in his chest though. It was mostly just weird watching his body get destroyed, honestly.]

Ah...I hope someone else'll be able to see me when you can't. I think it'd get lonely, being around all of you without any of you being able to see me.

[He's not sure how long he'll be here before just. Not being here anymore. Nothing he's ever read has been clear about that, and he'd already started getting lonely watching them. He doesn't want any of them to die, not yet, but he knows it'll happen soon, what with Mikoto's Damocles.

If only Mikoto would actually abdicate like the Blue King keeps talking about.]

But...Don't tell them about me? I don't... [He doesn't want to give any of them a possible false hope that they'd be able to see him sometime.]

Aren't ya already lonely? [Just. An observation because Izumo briefly wonders about that.

Was Totsuka lonely? Why hasn't he passed on yet?

Izumo sort of wishes Mikoto would abdicate, too, but he knows the redhead won't do that. Mikoto's determined to settle everything himself; he wants to be the one to be able to kill the Colorless King and get revenge for what happened.

But at the question, he gives a nod.] I won't tell 'em.

Right now I have Kusanagi-san! [Completely ignoring the question. Yep.

He's probably still here because of the whole ghosts and people wanting to see them thing, honestly. He certainly doesn't want to be visible to all these people he's cared about--wouldn't that just hurt them more? They might get to see him for a while, like Izumo, but they don't know when he'll simply fade away. Maybe he'll still be there, but they won't be able to see him or hear him. But then, the ghost never has a choice in the matter.

Mikoto is stubborn, that's for sure. He smiles at that, holding a hand up so Izumo could try to touch it if he wanted to. Tatara isn't sure what he wants to happen.]

Thank you.

Still such a cold-hearted guy. [It's said with fond exasperation, though.

Izumo worries that he won't get to see Totsuka again, but that's okay. Even if he didn't, at least Totsuka is still around, watching them even though Izumo isn't sure when he'll end up fading away. At least Izumo managed to get some closure.

He eyes the hand, though. He's a ghost, so chances of him being able to touch Totsuka is pretty much zero, but he tries, anyway. Izumo stops when he seemingly touches Totsuka's palm, eyes flickering with sadness before it's masked away.

At the thanks, he simply nods.]

I found something I didn't want to let go of though. And, I didn't go hungry anymore thanks to you and King!

[Tatara sits properly on the couch now, swinging his legs. He shouldn't be disappointed that he really can't touch people, but...somehow he still is.

He already said thank you, but he isn't quite sure Izumo knew what for. And besides, it wouldn't hurt to say it all, right?]

Thanks for teaching me with Honami-sensei and for going along with some of my sillier ideas. Thanks for taking turns cooking and for letting me use your kitchen, for taking King and I with you to the first temple visit of the year, for giving me a job, for letting me stay with you guys until the end. I really was blessed, you know.

[From a child abandoned at the age of three to a dead man at 22. It's kind of staggering to think about the amount of people affected by his death, compared to the amount of people who cared about him when he was young.]

And thank you for all the other things you've done too. I think I'd be talking for hours if I tried listing them all. I had a lot of fun, you know? Though both of you liked hitting me on the head. [Never mind, maybe it did hurt. Now he's sad since he can never do those things again.]

Take care of the bonsai and the fish?

[He's quiet as Totsuka lists off everything he's thanking him for, listening to him talk.

A few of them he chuckles at, remembering just how Totsuka was. He remembered being there at Totsuka's father funeral, briefly wondering why they were there when Totsuka never got the love he should've deserved as a child.]

If ya had a solid form, I'd hit ya now. [If only he could. The little things he ended up missing, it's become a bit of a void now.]

I will. Not gonna get rid o' the other things ya put in my bar, too.

Mean! [But he smiles. It's familiar, even though it always hurt at least a little.]

Oh, could you take Anna and the others to look around at my apartment too? They might want some things from there. Might make it hurt a little less. When you have time anyway.

[His father wasn't so bad, if you thought of him as a bad friend. It's not like Tatara's ever had a good father figure. Maybe he and the other two became good ones to Anna though.

He'd like to think that.]

Thanks for never throwing those out too! You always said you were going to.

Mm, I don't see why not. [But who knows when they'll have time with the Clan hunting down the Colorless King.

He shakes his head lightly.] They actually brighten up the bar a little. [Not really, but they were mementos, tokens of Totsuka's memories, so he couldn't afford to throw them out now.]

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