Kusanagi Izumo (
toremainbehind) wrote in
homralings2015-10-13 04:59 pm
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My heart is a ghost town
[The bar's been closed on a day it shouldn't be closed, but it couldn't be helped.
Izumo has chosen to take the day off, shooing everyone out of the bar, except for Mikoto and Anna since they live there. Right now, he didn't want to be near HOMRA, being reminded only of memories of Totsuka. Little tokens from Totsuka's hobbies all over the bar, placed neatly in places that can be seen but not in the way, rarely touched now.
Much like the films Totsuka had recorded during his time alive.
It's how he eventually finds himself in his apartment, perched on his couch with a shot glass of Vodka in hand and one of Totsuka's films playing. He's not quite paying attention to it, focused on the sounds rather than the images playing. Every time he hears Totsuka's voice on film, he takes a shot, his throat burning from the alcohol but it was a burn he welcomes all the same.]
Izumo has chosen to take the day off, shooing everyone out of the bar, except for Mikoto and Anna since they live there. Right now, he didn't want to be near HOMRA, being reminded only of memories of Totsuka. Little tokens from Totsuka's hobbies all over the bar, placed neatly in places that can be seen but not in the way, rarely touched now.
Much like the films Totsuka had recorded during his time alive.
It's how he eventually finds himself in his apartment, perched on his couch with a shot glass of Vodka in hand and one of Totsuka's films playing. He's not quite paying attention to it, focused on the sounds rather than the images playing. Every time he hears Totsuka's voice on film, he takes a shot, his throat burning from the alcohol but it was a burn he welcomes all the same.]
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What happened to "come to me if you have any problems"? [He hasn't been dead for very long at all...What happened to the side of him that Tatara saw? It was there when he was around the others, but this...He was never like this, to Tatara's knowledge.]
This feels like something King would do, not you.
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Behind closed doors in the privacy of his own home, Izumo allows himself to feel that burden on his shoulders, the weight of it almost dragging him down.
He's beginning to think he's hearing things; he refuses to look in the direction Totsuka's in.]
Go away.
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I had to leave you on the roof that night, but I won't do it again. Not unless I have to. [He pauses for a moment and sighs, shifting his arms.]
Besides, aren't ghosts only here if someone wants to see them?
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The dam is cracking and all Izumo could feel is that remorse, that anger - the guilt.
He's still not looking at the ghost, determined not to.]
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[Good, let that dam break, let Izumo let his emotions out. It's the most he can do for his dear friend now that he's dead.
Let it all out, and let Tatara help. He hates sitting here watching without being able to do anything for him. Even if Izumo thinks he's imaginary, he might still be able to help, if Izumo would only let him.]
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[He grits his teeth, anger almost flaring.]
I toldja ta be careful! [Vaguely, he knows he can't blame Totsuka for what happened. It's not like he asked to be killed, but all of the hurt is hitting him in waves and that dam is cracking further.]
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It's not like any of us thought that would happen. I didn't think the person on the roof that night was a King and that he'd shoot me. Did you?
[He wonders how Izumo would react if he'd told him about the warning he'd gotten from Anna before they got her out of the facility. Maybe he'll tell him later, after Izumo gets this mess sorted out and (maybe) realizes he's not talking to his imagination.]
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He stops himself, teeth clenched together as he holds himself back. So, he slumps a bit, hand pressed against his eyes as he tries to bury those emotions away again.]
Fuckin' idiot. How'd ya think we can go on without ya?
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He moves again, kneeling in front of him and just barely not touching his hand.]
I wanted you to follow my song, stay how you were even as you missed me. I thought that Kamamoto or Yata might've been able to take over my role like we'd talked about when Fushimi was still with us but...I guess that was hoping for too much.
I'm sorry, Kusanagi-san.
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And he lashes out at Totsuka, furious and upset.]
Sorry?! Sorry ain't enough ta bring ya back!
[But then he calms down a bit, expression changing.] They ain't like ya. They can't help like ya can.
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He wants to still be with them, for them not to be hurt because of him. Of course he does. But...]
...I know. It was the only hope I had though. I didn't want to leave you to fall apart by yourselves, but I guess we were a little kingdom. [It makes sense they crumbled when one fell away, no matter how much he wants them to be whole still.]
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It has him sobering up a little, though, his shoulders slumping a little in defeat.] Got no right... ["To say that" but it remains unsaid because Izumo knows he's being stupid, even in a drunken state.
But that second part has him frowning deeply.] Ya were the only one who could only hold us together. Shoulda been me, not you.
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Do you really think King and I would've handled it any better than you and King are now if you were gone? We'd be in trouble no matter which of us died. It was always the three of us, since the start of all of this.
[It should have remained the three of them always, but even if he hadn't died when he did, they both know Mikoto hadn't had long left anyway. It was just worse now.]
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If he moves, then maybe this illusion of Totsuka will disappear, and he can't - he doesn't want that to happen.
Not yet.
He rubs his face, suddenly looking tired, exhausted by allowing his emotions to actually let go like that.] Doesn't matter. I'd be the last one left now.
[And that's what really bugs him. The three of them started this together. It should've just been the three of them staying together. Totsuka died and who knows how much longer Mikoto has left.]
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I'm sorry. You know we never intended for this to happen.
[But he doesn't think he'd change anything if he could. If Mikoto hadn't become the Red King, they wouldn't have been able to rescue Anna. They've helped people because of this mess. He doesn't want to think about what would've happened to all their clansmen if they hadn't joined Homra.]
You can't leave Anna all alone again, you know that, right?
[He's sorry, but you've got to stay behind for all the people they've picked up, Izumo.]
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It's why he hasn't said anything after all of this time, why he hasn't allowed himself to have such depressing thoughts while around the others.]
'm not gonna leave her. [Or the others.]
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He pauses for a moment, watching Izumo's face.]
Promise not to drink too much? I'm no longer here to help out around the bar when you're sick or busy.
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But now he's just kind of staring at Totsuka, looking a little sad but skeptical.]
...'s it really ya? [Or is it just his imagination? Either way, any answer will still hurt.]
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After a moment, Tatara nods.]
It's me. I don't know why you can see me now when you couldn't earlier, but...I'm here.
[And then he makes a face, pressing one of his hands next to one of Izumo's legs.]
Why did King think it was a good idea to wear my earring with my blood in it? It's kind of creepy.
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It doesn't matter - Totsuka's here. For now, that's all that matters.
He chuckles a bit at the question, though.]
He wanted ta keep a memory o'ya alive somehow. Figured that'd be the best way ta do it. Makes him feel like you're there with him.
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It's still creepy. [!!! He got Izumo to laugh!
There's a tiny smile on his face, even as he groans.]
That's what the videos are for! Not for playing a drinking game every time I speak-- that was mean, Kusanagi-san! That feels like you're trying to forget.
[He's not sure Mikoto would be okay with Tatara haunting him instead of Izumo or the bar honestly. Would the earring react? Maybe he'll test that next time Izumo's at the bar.]
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A quirk of his lips, almost a phantom of a smile.]
Ya make a good drinkin' game. Ya speak too much. [Brief pause.] Never gonna forget ya, though.
[Izumo's tempted to tell Mikoto about this, though he figures Mikoto won't believe him or think he's gone crazy. Anna would believe him, but that warrants another question.] Have ya gone t'see the others?
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That makes it a bad game! The point isn't to get alcohol poisoning!
[He'll just. not comment on being unforgettable right now. He's dead--he shouldn't get embarrassed by things like that.
Tatara taps his chin.]
Well, I followed you from the bar. No one else seems to see or hear me though, like you couldn't.
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Just be glad I haven't introduced it ta the other guys. [Because if he did, it'd go downhill from there, and all but Anna might get alcohol poisoning. Yata, especially, would be the worst.
He raises an eyebrow.]
Not even Anna?
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[That would be the worst situation--they're all drunk and then they all die way too early because Anna's the only one to take care of them.
He shakes his head to the question.]
If she can see me, she doesn't show it. Maybe she's just too focused on using her power to find the Colorless King, like the rest of you are.
[Or maybe the trauma has closed her off a little bit this time, instead of opening her mind up even more.]
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i was listening to a song and "just stay alive, that would be enough"
that fits this so much right now
cries. clearly we need to do an actually living tatara thread with them later
Clearly. Depends on the situation they're in, though...ha...
yes......well, multiple alive threads then. both terrible and happy ones
all and any alive threads~
yesss c: /keening noises
\o/
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in which i actually have trouble remembering canon details
Don't worry, I don't remember much either.
\o/
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about done, you think?
yup. Can end here